Own it and make it right

Owning it and making it right is so vital to our walk with God. We ask for forgiveness when really all we want is for Him to excuse it. We ask forgiveness for ourselves while we refuse it for others. We want our sins excused but theirs dealt with and the longer we withhold our forgiveness the deeper the roots go. It turns to bitterness much quicker than we think, bitterness that takes root, begins to grow and soon enough poisons all those around us. The only remedy is complete and total forgiveness, which is impossible with us but completely possible with God. When we pray for the strength and ability to forgive we can pray with absolute certainty that God will answer (take a look at 1 John 5). There is no question that this is in accord with His will, and if we pray anything according to His will, He hears us, and if He hears us we know that we have what we ask.
I've been praying for this fervently and constantly for quite some time. Persistant prayer, the kind of prayer that sinks its teeth in and refuses to let go, the kind that wrestles with the angel until it gets the blessing it seeks. This is the kind of prayer that defeats the enemy and sets the captive free. And hear me well when I say, If you are holding on to a grudge, refusing forgiveness...you are in bondage. But thanks be to God, He is in the business of setting captives free!!! Let me warn you though, this is no easy road...The enemy does not want you released. He desires to keep you locked in a dungeon of your own self-pity, struggling just to get through the day without an angry thought. And also be warned that if you decide to get down to business you will begin to see things about yourself that you would rather not see. For me it finally came down to staring right into the face of my own ugliness, my own propensity to do the very thing I judge others for. It can be humiliating, gritty, and very unpleasant to see yourself as others see you. I realize my own part in being the source of trouble instead of the remedy. But this is God's grace to us, is it not? He loves us enough to discipline us and hold up the mirror of the Word before our very eyes. The real, down in the dirt truth is we are living in complete and absolute rebellion against Him when we refuse to forgive. When I finally reached the place where I longed for His fellowship and peace more than I longed to be right I was ready to be set free. When the thought of humbling myself seemed a small thing to trade for His presence I was ready. And the payoff is so worth it. Not that our motive should be our own self-interest here. I decided to act on the truth that I am His bondslave and if for no other reason, I needed to do it simply because I am "not my own"..I have been purchased by His blood and my life is His, every small, seemingly insignificant detail is under His Lordship.
God has done a marvelous work in me and the love I have for people who, just a few months ago I wanted to see in pain is His work alone. He is amazing!!!